Haven’t posted in a while because I’ve been busy with the new baby and there really isn’t much to report.
W has been great regarding his baby brother. Surprisingly no jealousy and he’s very careful when he’s around the baby. He’s pretty good about understanding that when the baby is crying it needs our attention. I think it helps that my husband has taken time off work to help at home so W always has at least one of us if needed.
W had his hearing test, which is the first step in trying to get him assessed because they have to rule out hearing impairment as the cause of his delays. He passed his test but we had to do it twice because the first time he was so upset they couldn’t do it properly. The 2nd time we told them to treat him like he’s autistic and it went much better.
We’ve learned that if we tell people to treat him like he’s autistic things usually go more smoothly. He turned 3 yesterday and I’ve noticed that people expect 3 year olds to behave /react a certain way and W doesn’t but if we say he may be autistic people become more accommodating and forgiving. He’s generally a good kid but he definitely is not a typical toddler.
I still haven’t told most people that he may be autistic and that we are trying to get him assessed. It’s sort of a difficult situation. The few people we have told see him at home and immediately respond with “my _____ is autistic and trust me your boy is fine “. But they are comparing a (potentially) high functioning child in his safe space (home) to low functioning. They don’t seem to realize that it is a spectrum and every child is different.
But the rest of the world who doesn’t know accuses us of catering to our child and not being firm with him. They judge us poorly because his diet is primarily nuggets and juice. They say things like “he’ll eat when he’s hungry ” and “he won’t starve himself “. They don’t realize that he actually would rather starve then try an unfamiliar food. I’ve tried being firm with him and it doesn’t work.
I want to tell people exactly what is going on in the hopes that people will be a little more compassionate towards W and more forgiving / understanding of our struggles but my experience with the few people i have told makes me doubt myself. I have a friend that I talk to about ASD and she went through the same thing. When you see her boy at home or when he is comfortable and you would never think he’s autistic but if he’s upset he completely shuts down and can’t even speak (he’s 7). When he’s not in a good head space he behaves/reacts like a 2 year old.
High functioning is more difficult than people realize or expect.people expect more of the high functioning and often forget that they are in fact not like a typical child their age.